i really hope no one who follows this blog is on right now because i’d be spamming the dash way too much with useless shit.
but anyways, today jackie went and watched my interview.
i think when i freak out out of anxiety i’m more normal and loose. i remember smiling a lot. with my eyes too.
but i could have said more. there were so many profound things to say that i thought of afterwards.
but by no means did i get an unconfident feeling, or sense that i messed up
well i know for a fact that i turned as red as a tomato when i first sat down and they started asking questions, but i didn’t act like i was, other than being red. i answered the questions pretty decently. i think. the interviewers’ counter attacks didn’t really phase me.
oh the world.
i miss multiple hims. i miss my girlfriends too.
ah, the onset of normality.
the neglect of maintenance.
wishes are important. so are books. so is music.
so are trees. so are the woods. so are benches in the park. wooden ones. but with no splinters. or stone ones. just not plastic ones.
stop writing, alice
i wish i could stop time so i could be infinitely happy as the wind.
whoosh! whoosh!
3:15 is when i get out.
today, edward made origami. i should have asked for one. but i didn’t because i’m a fucking jerk. i bet he hated me when i told him to keep them instead of throwing them away.
i like his voice and i like it when he smiles at me.
idk, i get confident sometimes. pretend like i’m super skinny like i once was and walk extending my legs, with a swagger. like how helen the giraffe walks.
but it all disappears in an instant. it all depends on the nature of the mirror i look at. and my hairstyle.
lol i just realized that 5 period is the only period with assigned seating.
ha to the ha. i like it though. i like having different seat partners. and i need time to get to know people so i like that it’s permanent.
permafrost.
contrite. i like that word. i said that before.
i miss thomas the most.
thomas oh thomas. i wonder how you are. i wonder if you think of me once a month at least. i wonder how much you think of the girl that you like.
i kept hoping that i could sway you. i couldn’t. i was merely deluding myself.
and by writing on tumblr instead of doing my homework,
i am still deluding myself.
can i believe that i got a C on my spanish test(possibly a d depending on the written portion?)
the answer is no.
i’m different. i do weird things. i’m normal sometimes. i want to be normal all the time. i don’t do healthy things.OH
OHOHO. today i realized something
if you want to be successful on the outside, then don’t reveal or hint at your weaknesses. don’t even. choose community, choose broad over personal. don’t talk about cyberbullying if i’ve ever been cyberbullied. of course, i have not.
i miss thomas the most.
i miss joseph too. the other day, joseph was about to hold a door for me, but he stopped just in time probably in order to express his awareness of how deeply our relationship has deteriorated over the past year.
how to make up with old friends.
i would give anything to know.
sigh.
i can’t believe a year has almost passed
it’s so scary. and i was so miserable
so far from my goals.
i’m rather silly.
let’s end this now. but i want to stay for longer.
time to say hello to spanish and english mc questions in bed.
