dear day before spring break,
hi. i don’t know if you were good or bad.
why am i writing a letter to a day? it’s not the day’s fault.
bad things: i didn’t say goodbye to many people
why am i reading old convos with Thomas?
i’ve noticed that i was pretty caustic in some of the conversations because i felt like he was just playing me
and yet thomas wasn’t deterred and he still talked to me
and then, in the end, he left me.
i wasn’t good enough for him to stay
i miss him.
i have to sleep but first i have to say that
i’m losing time
and i’m unable to do the things i want to
like make and keep friends.
if i could count the friends and chances i’ve lost over the years…
it hurts so badly that i always screw it up because it’s simply how i am. it’s simply what i am made of.
on a brighter note, i made round two for gov team.
if i make it i’ll be happy
but how do i change?
i want to taste life
i want to feel it in my bones that i am alive and everything is worthy
instead of feeling depressed, full of regrets, wanting to die, being killed by food, being killed by people, low self esteem, vanity, conceitedness, unaccetableness, social outcastness, boringness, the way i was born…
overcoming the barrier of food
i wish for thomas
and new friends too.
