i envy people with blogs, that after you read them, you start to empathize with them and think they’re a beautiful person. i want a blog like that. i want people to think that i’m a person worthy of being alive.
but when others read my blog, all they would see is someone who has problems and who can’t cope.
well,
that’s just the way it goes for me
i have to let go of my desires to feel accepted, loved, and normal more often than not in my life.
i have to deal with only feeling like that in fleeting fragments that leave me craving for more.
unless i can change.
i’ve believed in myself in the past before.
but my therapist says i’m different.
i believe her. she’s a professional.
but i also believe the good things she said about me.
and with that, i’ll try to win
i want other people to hug me.
it makes me want to cry
when i’m the person that no one ever touches because i’m so detached. barricaded. even when i carry on a conversation with a smile, it’s by body language i guess. i don’t even know. it’s a mystery to me.
i don’t know how to get out and yet i want to. so badly.
